writing abt xv as if i was submitting to that yaoi zine
i think it's pretty clear what the yaoi that changed MY life is at this point lmaoooo
Write a xv essay as if you were writing for the yaoi zine
Try and condense everything
Seems like an impossible task
i know right
i think the essence of the essay already exists in what has been published already though.
the draw to monstrousness bc of the way queerness is seen as deviant
on monstrousness
partial diary transcription regarding my Type when it comes to ships.
the fascination w/obedience n its conflict w/personal desire
shame, devotion, and venxiao
this is a partial transcription of a diary entry that ends up meandering into thoughts abt xiaoven vs. venxiao, as dynamics.
the way asexuality and religion plays a role in all these things.
asexual explorations
in a sense, a companion/precursor to what queer sins stain thy soul.
xv n religious themes
this a partial transcription of a diary entry that is basically the primer on my Deeply Christian Upbringing™ n how that relates to all my xiaovenning
like, i guess in the plainest, most naked possible terms
xv gave me the tools to unpack my complex queer repressions bc they're two old men w/religious hangups that have fundamentally very teenage problems
unpacking queer & gendered repression w/xiaoven
personal struggles of (with?) queerness.
Lmaooo
I still think it's worth wrapping up in a pretty little bow
it feels like i'm fishing for pity or smth to say that
or a cry for attention
that's not what i want an audience to feel when i say that sort of thing
Then there's no reason to share any of it, if you see no desirable result out of it
what gets written will have been written, and what gets archived will have been archived
i think i like the idea of the essence of this essay existing scattered throughout other, smaller essays that were written as diary entries or similar
for an audience to piece together on their own
to gain an understanding they must synthesize through the provided texts
to make that effort to get to know me, rather than for me to lay it out in front of them plainly
in the same way that we as fanfiction authors must make an effort to know our characters in order to write and appreciate meta about them
I think that's fair
And also very you lol
— END —
on "NO SWITCH"
an essay on why i feel "NO SWITCH" is a disservice to characterization that might want to feel more than just a m/m smut archetype.