(back to aus)

the adepti's kitty maid café

originally pitched 15 november 2024.

this au was mostly originally inspired by this 4-koma i found on mangadex called neko no te datte yaku ni tatsu, which has basically the same premise lol.

hewwo this is nat's voice vs. callie's owo :3 vs. luna who also has a thin curlyish font

basically, venti would just be walking home one day and is like, "WOAH KITTY!!" (it's xiao), then notices that for some reason this cat doesn't trigger his allergies. curious, he follows it back to the café, but when venti follows the Mysterious Kitty to this cat/maid café, he sees it go through this cat flap in the "Employees Only" door and is disap­pointed bc noooo Special Hypo­allergenic Kitty!!!! but then this hot emo guy walks out and he's just like "oh? oh woah?"

bc the gimmick here is that this is a café run by zhongli and the adepti, and THEY'RE ALL SECRETLY CATS, which is why venti isn't allergic to any of them. because Adeptal Magic™.

anyway, obviously venti then becomes a regular at this maid-and-cat café where his allergies magically and mysteriously never apply, and venti is none the wiser to the cat transformations happening in the employee backrooms until at some point he gets locked in a closet w/xiao, and bc it's so cramped, xiao has to turn into a cat abt it <3

there's obviously not much space in the closet, so obviously venti has to pick up xiaocat n keep him close to his chest, n xiaocat feels so safe n warm n he can hear venti's sweet voice n soothing heartbeat…

additions 6 june 2025.

• i refuse to believe xiaocat does not cuddle up to venti in the cafe
• i'm imagining a scenario where xiaocat is chilling on venti's lap n venti is doing usual cat enjoyer cat harassment n laments that he wishes the cute emo boy was also on shift today
• Do you think xiaocat get embarrassed enough to run away
• idk i think xiao would just internally roll his eyes that venti hasn't seemed to have figured out the cat employee thing
• He should be at least half glad i know he'd be embarrassed af once venti connects snuggling cat to him cos i doubt xiaocat snuggles most ppl at all
• OH ABSOLUTELY
• if venti doesn't know xiao == kitty, then xiao can just ignore all the embarrassing shit he does as little kitty cat bc he is just a little kitty
• he has cat dignity, which is separate from human dignity
• it would be really funny tho if they had a wall for employee of the month and they had two pictures for every month, one of their cat form n one of their human form
• and like. no one figures it out even with that
• This is the funniest thing i've ever heard they should absolutely have that
• Wait so if they're all adepti-cat, is there also cat zhongli, yanfei, ganyu
• yes
• LMAO them all having to take care of one another is kinda funny
• Like they know those cats know exactly whats up and what they want them to do but sometimes they wont just cos
• Like i refuse to believe cloud retainer and mountain shaper and moon carver dont cause each other trouble for no reason sometimes 😭
• cloud retainer mad about their cat yaoi
• one of them in cat mode always sitting on the other's lap
• it would be funny if zhongli n venti were like college classmates or something
• AND VENTI NEVER FIGURED IT OUT
• THEY LOSE CONTACT AFTER THEIR SOLE SHARED CLASS ENDS OR SMTH
• AND IT'S LIKE FIVE YEARS AFTER THEY GRADUATE/DROP OUT
• do you think zhongli gives venti like particularly intense silent stares whenever xiaocat comes up to him
• HAHAHAHAH absolutely
• 50% ooh xiao warming up to customers, 50% ....him
• imagine they claimed all the cats were named after employees
• HELP so they dont even have different names
• Thats too easy tho maybe they can have like adepti names
• yeah i also thought abt that, but the image of venti asking xiao where xiaocat is is just so funny to me
• zhongli good at lying 👍
• you know what would also be really funny
• if sometimes the cat ears n tail just popped out
• but everyone just assumes that it's a really detailed part of the uniform costume
• that feels like it should be all the time when they are employees
• Standardization
• "the cafe is really chill"
• i feel like yanfei would be the one who lets the cat ears out the most, since she's the youngeset of the adepti
• people like zhongli don't have cat eared accidents
• xiao probably doesn't too often either but it would be soooo cute if they happened to pop out when he was caught by surprise (or An Emotion™)
• He ducks behind a wall and it pops out and ventis like ??????

• : "I was on cat ears duty today, forgot earlier"

• maybe venti also starts piecing shit together before they get locked in the closet together
• n the closet is just the moment xiao has to come clean abt it lol
• I like to think he finds it sus but like
• Who would come to such an outrageous conclusion so conclusively
• like

  : "am i delusional about a series of weird coincidence or is this smt really unusual happening here"

• : "why is it that i've never seen This Specific Cat and also xiao at the same time"

• , probably: "i'm bad at caring for the cat they never put me on duty with him"

• (Not even entirely false cos he IS bad at caring for himself)

• : "how did you win employee of the month with him then? :/"
  : *sweating* "they're separate votes"
  : "the cats have their own polls they vote in"

• That's.
  Such a cute imagery
• Paw prints
• Also what did xiao do to win employee of the month
• Managed to lure in venti who visits like every other day?
• it would be really fun if he was voted employee of the month for basically getting their customer equivalent of a whale
• guy who comes in every other day and buys like two or three things
• It issss, and also bcos i think the adepti would vote for him that month cos they think its funny xiaocat is so attached to venti
• one month they decide to vote for venti as employee of the month bc xiao gets the most sleep on his lap
• venti just walks in one day and

  : "we have to take your picture for our wall"
  : "sure but also what"
  : "you won employee of the month for getting xiaocat to sleep the most"

• xiao is in the back pretending not to listen/attend to a customer but is actually too embarrassed to make eye contact abt it
• Employee of the month without being an employee
• he gets The Honor
• is xiaocat the accompanying cat of the month
• only if venti gets to hold him for the picture <3
• ^ they have this photo up on their wedding
• The first picture is the official photo ganyu took and the other is xiaocat sleeping in his lap
• if cloud retainer n ganyu are both there i wonder if shenhe is there too
• sole human employee
• When shes employee of the month

  : "All cats were badly behaved this month"

• shenhe as the normal human getting scolded by cloud retainer cat is v funny image to me
• you just see shenhe with her ._. expression looking up at cloud retainer cat (likes to feel tall)
• Shenhe speaks cat (trained from young)

• : "MEOW MEOW MEOW!!! MEOW!!!!"
  : "sorry master. i'll do better next time"
  : "meow!"

• cloud retainers standing on the top of the cat tower
• shenhe… so blunt and yet somehow still nobody figures it out
• everyone just assumes she's doing a bit
• Straight faced humour, except shes serious

• : "Of course i have to obey cloud retainer (the cat), that's my mom"

• cloud retainer in her rare human form every so often n people are like,

  : "ohhhh so it's a bit that she does with her Actual Mom, where they both pretend the cat is her mom"

• Are the human employees mostly just yanfei ganyu xiao and shenhe lmaooo
• um zhongli!!!!!!!!!!!!
• For some reason, i imagine zhongli cat or human not being around most of the time bcos hes semi retired T.T
• wait damn i wonder what hu tao is up to in this au
• you're right, he has business to attend to at the attached funeral home
• Of course he does
• I imagined xiao-venti-xiaocat thing has been going on for a while before he finally sees it and is like

  : "WHEN did this development happen and why did nobody think to inform me?"
  , probably: "if you wanted to know maybe you should be around more 🙄"

• BECAUSE THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO LET PEOPLE KNOW THAT MAGIC CATPEOPLE ARE REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• Its so hard to imagine hutao not in funeral business for me fkdnskns
• which is why she runs the attached funeral home. ofc
• obsessed with this idea of a maid cat cafe attached to a funeral home
• Attached… as in… they are related in a business sense
• yes
• WAIT SO IS SHE LIKE OWNER
• MAYBE
  i don't know <3
• 50% investment by funeral parlour, 50% zhongli
• it seems like the exact kind of stupid shit she'd do to bring in customers
• For an additional $XX, cats will perform parts of your funerary rites and send your loved ones on their final journey
• hu tao and venti teaming up to do regular cat enjoyer cat harassment schemes
• Does… does hutao know
• i think she knows
• it would be funny if venti only found out abt hu tao After he learned abt the adepti cat thing
• it's like the type of shit that cartoons do at the start of season 2 to shake shit up

• : "damn so that's what the neighboring funeral parlor was for"
  : "are we sure this isn't just a money laundering scheme?"

• : "Would you expose it if it was a money laundering scheme?"
  : "only if u steal from the rich"

hehe i know that ending's a bit abrupt but we basically wandered off w/o really returning to it in detail after that lol